The patchwork family is one of the many modern family forms. When singles with children from previous partnerships become a new family, things are usually turbulent. When a new addition to the family is announced, it is a huge change for everyone involved, in addition to the great happiness.

Patchwork families arise when one parent starts a new partnership after a separation. Many colorful variations can arise, for example when parents bring their children into the relationship. Sometimes there are also new children together. This may turn the older children into half-siblings. This news is not always met with immediate enthusiasm by everyone involved. After all, the network of relationships in a patchwork family can be complicated.

When children are born into the patchwork family, the roles and relationships shift again. The separation of the biological parents is likely to be difficult for children. In future, they will also have to share love with the baby of the family. Parental roles must also be renegotiated and a way of dealing with parents from previous partnerships must be found. It is not always possible to meet the needs of the first and second family in the best possible way.

"Does dad love the baby more than me?", "Does mom still have time for me?", "Will the baby be favored?" Future (half-)siblings in particular often find it difficult to be happy about the baby news. The fear that the new baby will be loved more than they are is too great. Fear, jealousy and anger may spread or the sibling may be seen as competition. It is generally not easy for younger children to accept that their parents' love will have to be shared in the future when a new baby arrives. It can be even more difficult for children in a patchwork family.

Especially at the beginning, the new baby will attract all the attention. Even during pregnancy, parents need to give their patchwork children plenty of attention and signal that they are still there for them, that they love the children just as much as before and that no one is favored or disadvantaged. And the children should also have the chance to love their new sibling unconditionally.

The new love or even a pregnancy not only stabs the children in the heart, but perhaps also the parent from a previous relationship. Hurt feelings, worries about finances or fears that the older children will be neglected are spreading. Even if this is a difficult situation, discuss your worries in private. Don't talk badly about the other parent in front of your children. Children want to love both parents - even after a separation.

Starting or expanding a family with your new love is a great happiness. Stay calm if there are sometimes jealousies and conflicts instead of family idylls. This happens in the best families. Also accept that the children from the previous relationship will always remain an important part of life.

First of all, every patchwork family is different and has to find its own way of living together. However, these tips can give you a clue as to how growing together in a patchwork family can succeed:

There is potential for conflict in every family, and this also applies to the colorful family life in a patchwork family. If the problems are getting out of hand, you can seek professional advice. State and church educational and family counseling centers can help with various counseling and support services. The online portal of the bke-Elternberatung, the Federal Conference for Educational Counseling, offers professional advice and a forum where you can exchange ideas with other patchwork families.