The contents of these pages have been automatically translated into the selected language. Deviations from the contents of the original page are therefore possible.
Death of a child
Processing the grief of loss
Loss of a child in case of miscarriage, premature birth or early death
It is probably the worst thing that can happen: When you lose your child to miscarriage or early death, your world comes crashing down from one moment to the next. Instead of experiencing growing anticipation of a family life together, it means saying goodbye. In this exceptional emotional situation, what is needed most of all are people who provide support.
When the inconceivable happens
It is one of the most painful experiences of all for parents when their child is stillborn or has no prospects of life after birth. No one is prepared for such a situation, which triggers incomprehensible fear, grief, despair and powerlessness. Especially in the case of a child, it is almost impossible to find words of comfort to make such a stressful experience bearable. There is no patent remedy for dealing with such a situation; every family handles it differently. But accepting help is possible.
What happens after the unexpected shock news?
Despite the shock of this news, many important decisions have to be made when the doctor finds out during the check-ups that the child is no longer alive in the womb or will only live for a short time after birth. In this exceptional situation, you should definitely be accompanied by people with crisis experience who can provide you with human support and orientation on how the farewell can be arranged. Seeing the baby once again and perhaps holding it in your arms makes the grieving process easier. Valuable reminders for life afterwards can be, for example, a photo or a hand and footprint. You may also wish to have an emergency baptism of the baby, this is also possible. Sufficient time is available to you, both in a clinic and at home, to say goodbye to your child lovingly and with dignity.
Cesarean section or silent birth?
If the child in the womb shows no more signs of life, the question arises as to how the child should be born. Some women want to end the pregnancy as quickly as possible by cesarean section. However, this can make the parting and grieving process more difficult. In this situation, the midwife and the doctor can advise you whether a "silent birth" is an option. In this case, the birth is induced artificially. The mother is given pain-relieving medication if she wants it. If the birth is induced with medication, you as parents can have a say in where and when the right time for a silent birth has come for you. This creates a space for preparations to take advantage of the remaining time and to say goodbye to the child in peace.
Working through grief: Where can I get help?
In addition to medical care, the attending midwife can be an understanding companion during the first days and weeks. Some midwives have advanced training as grief counselors. Midwifery assistance is paid for by health insurance in this stressful situation. Close family members and trusted friends are also a valuable source of support during the mourning period. Do not be afraid under any circumstances to seek professional support for the stressful phase of life during the following period. Pastoral or psychological care can help to cope with the pain and slowly overcome powerlessness. Many affected families find it helpful to exchange experiences with other parents in a similar situation, for example in a self-help group. Links to such offers can be found at the end of this text.
What are the legal issues to consider?
If a stillborn baby weighs more than 500 grams, it is legally referred to as a stillbirth, regardless of the length of the pregnancy. A miscarriage is spoken of when the embryo is lighter than 500 grams.
A stillbirth or the death of a child must be reported to the registry office no later than the 3rd working day thereafter. A birth certificate is issued for children with a birth weight of at least 500 grams. If the child was stillborn, this will be noted on the birth certificate with the words "stillborn". If the child dies after birth, a death certificate is issued. If the child weighs less than 500 grams in the case of a miscarriage, the parents themselves decide whether they want a civil registration. For the sake of memory, psychologists recommend giving the child a name in any case. A name makes it easier for parents to talk about the child and the heavy blow of fate.
Every child may be buried in its own grave in Germany. This is possible at the parents' request even if the child was born from the 24th week of pregnancy and weighs less than 500 grams. Burial in a child's grave or family grave is just as possible as an anonymous burial, for example in a tree grave.
Different regulations apply to maternity protection, depending on whether it was legally a miscarriage or stillbirth. If the woman has suffered a miscarriage, the regulations on continued payment of the health insurance apply. If the child is born from the 24th week of pregnancy and weighs at least 500 grams, the general maternity protection period after delivery applies to the woman. She is entitled to maternity benefits for 8 weeks after delivery. However, at her express request, the woman may resume her employment 2 weeks after the birth if there is nothing to the contrary from a medical point of view. The payment of maternity benefits then ends correspondingly earlier.
WHERE TO GET MORE SUPPORT?
Staff members of educational counseling centers have joined forces in the Federal Conference of Educational Counseling. Parents can get online advice from them at eltern.bke-beratung.de. Individual e-mail counseling, individual chat, group chat or a forum are available on the topics of children and family
The German Association for Youth and Marriage Counseling (DAJEB) offers a nationwide search for counseling centers in a crisis situation online at www.dajeb.de> Beratungsführer.
The federal association "Orphaned Parents" offers accompanying services for those affected and helps families on the path of mourning for their deceased child. On the online portal you will find local groups, an online forum, guidebooks and brochures.
The initiative REGENBOGEN "Glücklose Schwangerschaft" e. V. is a circle of affected parents who offer their help by sharing their experiences. On the homepage you will find information material, literature recommendations and much more.
