Death of a child

It is probably the worst thing that can happen: When you lose your child to miscarriage or early death, your world comes crashing down from one moment to the next. Instead of experiencing growing anticipation of a family life together, it means saying goodbye. In this exceptional emotional situation, what is needed most of all are people who provide support.

It is one of the most painful experiences of all for parents when their child is stillborn or has no prospects of life after birth. No one is prepared for such a situation, which triggers incomprehensible fear, grief, despair and powerlessness. Especially in the case of a child, it is almost impossible to find words of comfort to make such a stressful experience bearable. There is no patent remedy for dealing with such a situation; every family handles it differently. But accepting help is possible.

Despite the shock of this news, many important decisions have to be made when the doctor finds out during the check-ups that the child is no longer alive in the womb or will only live for a short time after birth. In this exceptional situation, you should definitely be accompanied by people with crisis experience who can provide you with human support and orientation on how the farewell can be arranged. Seeing the baby once again and perhaps holding it in your arms makes the grieving process easier. Valuable reminders for life afterwards can be, for example, a photo or a hand and footprint. You may also wish to have an emergency baptism of the baby, this is also possible. Sufficient time is available to you, both in a clinic and at home, to say goodbye to your child lovingly and with dignity.

If the child in the womb shows no more signs of life, the question arises as to how the child should be born. Some women want to end the pregnancy as quickly as possible by cesarean section. However, this can make the parting and grieving process more difficult. In this situation, the midwife and the doctor can advise you whether a "silent birth" is an option. In this case, the birth is induced artificially. The mother is given pain-relieving medication if she wants it. If the birth is induced with medication, you as parents can have a say in where and when the right time for a silent birth has come for you. This creates a space for preparations to take advantage of the remaining time and to say goodbye to the child in peace.

In addition to medical care, the attending midwife can be an understanding companion during the first days and weeks. Some midwives have advanced training as grief counselors. Midwifery assistance is paid for by health insurance in this stressful situation. Close family members and trusted friends are also a valuable source of support during the mourning period. Do not be afraid under any circumstances to seek professional support for the stressful phase of life during the following period. Pastoral or psychological care can help to cope with the pain and slowly overcome powerlessness. Many affected families find it helpful to exchange experiences with other parents in a similar situation, for example in a self-help group. Links to such offers can be found at the end of this text.