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Boys/girls in puberty
Worth knowing about gender-typical development
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What happens during puberty?
The first signs of puberty today appear earlier and earlier than most parents expect. It begins with the formation of sex hormones. In girls, this occurs on average from the age of 9, in boys not until the age of 11. This is the trigger for the gradual remodeling of the brain and body shapes. Most girls reach sexual maturity at age 14, boys at 16. Body growth takes a little more time. It usually ends around age 16 for girls, but not until age 19 or 20 for boys. Please note: These figures are averages. Every child develops at his or her own pace. Deviations from these ages are completely normal and no cause for concern.
When your uncomplicated and cheerful little daughter suddenly becomes an unbalanced teenager, with nasty moods and angry outbursts, a challenging time begins for you as parents. With puberty, moods are constantly changing. Sky-high one moment, a tantrum can follow the next, ending with doors rattling and a retreat to the nursery. Is that still normal? Yes, it is. Don't be surprised if your daughter acts emphatically cool in front of her friends all the time, but comes snuggling up to you in an unguarded moment. The road to adulthood is marked by many ups and downs. The ups and downs require one thing above all from parents: composure and a whole lot of love.
Girls often struggle with their new body image during puberty. The natural weight gain and the increase in physical curves often lead to rejection, because the body now corresponds less to the female ideal of slimness in advertising. One reason why eating disorders such as anorexia increase during puberty.
The changes in the body awaken in many girls a new body cult: Their interest in make-up and fashion grows. In search of new role models, they are oriented mainly to stars from the model, music and film world. Not infrequently, the parents are provoked with a provocative and body-emphasizing style of dress.
Mothers in particular have a hard time in this period. They can rarely please their daughter, are only "embarrassing" and get involved in power struggles.
In puberty plays with many teenagers the fear of not being accepted by the group. Therefore, girls constantly compare themselves with their friends. The possession of status symbols such as expensive brand-name clothes or the latest smartphone pretends to be cool and keep up. In reality, teenagers want to cover up their own insecurities.
Your son no longer adheres to agreements and suddenly plays the macho? Small and large power struggles alternate with deliberate boundary crossings? Stay calm: Your son is on a difficult search for his identity. Many boys tend to overestimate themselves during puberty and overstep the mark a time or two. While on the one hand they want to be recognized as adults, they often behave childishly on the other. They demand all freedoms, but still want to be mothered. These puberty conflicts are grueling, but an important step in the process of detachment from parents.
Boys go through a rapid growth spurt during puberty, which makes them look gangly and awkward in the meantime. As the size of the larynx increases, boys enter voice change. This is the case at about the age of 13.
With their new body image, boys rarely have a problem. On the contrary, they benefit from the muscle growth during puberty. It makes them look "more masculine" and "stronger" and this goes down well with boys. However, many boys suffer from their oily skin associated with pimples to acne.
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Because of the significantly higher release of the male sex hormone testosterone, boys in puberty tend to be more forceful, are more willing to take risks and sometimes show aggressive behavior. Playful and athletic competitions and the gym are especially popular now. Here boys can celebrate successes and triumphs. Defeats, on the other hand, is usually difficult for them to cope with.
Boys also seek recognition and acceptance in the clique during puberty. They try to cover their inhibitions in the pubertal phase similar to girls with status symbols. Only it is usually other, such as the bike, a motorcycle or game consoles and games.
Yes, in fact it is statistically proven that boys have a significantly higher risk of accidents. They show a greater willingness to take risks, especially during puberty. Boys are particularly likely to have accidents on the road. In addition, boys get into dangerous situations more often because they don't want to be a coward and sometimes lose their temper.
These tips can help make it easier to get through puberty with your kids:
No matter whether boy or girl: What your child needs most now is love, understanding and guidance. Especially when the world threatens to collapse emotionally, it is the parents who can offer security.
It is a constant balancing act between letting go and giving support, with which you can support your child. Trust in the strengths of your child and meet your daughter and son despite the sometimes difficult to bear moods benevolently.
Do not be resentful if one or the other reproach offends you personally. Teenagers simply do not have their emotions under control during puberty and react impulsively. Your child therefore means a lot of things not as it sounds at first.
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Describe clear rules and boundaries despite growing freedoms. Allow your child to rub against you. This is important and is part of the detachment process on the way to adulthood.
First and foremost: stay in contact with your child. Offer your willingness to talk again and again. Your daughter and son still need you, even if no teenager in this world would ever admit it. Even if your child declines the conversation several times, let them know you're there when it counts.
To get through the stressful time, it helps to remember your own puberty as a mother and father: do you remember how you felt back then? You can certainly put yourself in your child's shoes better with these thoughts. And even if it hurts that your growing child is now going his or her own way more and more often, rejoice in the newly won freedom as a parent. This gives you room for your own plans and hobbies, for which you probably had no time for many years.
