Desire for children in rainbow families

Same-sex couples have various options for fulfilling their desire to have children. Lesbian couples usually realize their wish with the help of a sperm donation from a sperm bank or from a private donor. Male couples have a more difficult time. A more common way is to take in a foster child. The possibilities in detail:

Sperm donation

Lesbian couples can fulfill their desire to have a child with a third-party sperm donation, either from a private sperm donor or with sperm from a sperm bank. Women either perform self-insemination using the so-called cup method or resort to medical assistance. Legally, the situation is nevertheless complicated. If children are born into the relationship of a lesbian couple, the co-mother is not automatically also the legal mother. Rather, a stepchild adoption is necessary. The role of the biological father also needs to be clarified: what rights and duties should, will or can he exercise?

Adoption

The chance of homosexual couples to be able to adopt a German child is very small, because in Germany only a few children are given up for adoption. In contrast, there is a high number of couples willing to adopt. As an alternative, a foreign adoption comes into question, which can be handled through a recognized agency.

Foster child

An alternative to adoption is to take in a foster child. Foster families are urgently sought in Germany. This is also possible for homosexual couples who are not married. The difference to adoption is that the child continues to have contact with his or her biological parents. A return of the foster child to the family of origin cannot be ruled out, although most foster children remain in the foster family until they are adults. It should be known that foster children can present special challenges in their upbringing, as they often come from difficult family backgrounds.

Adoption of a child from a previous relationship

If a child is brought into the rainbow family from a previous heterosexual relationship, the co-partner can adopt, provided the other biological parent gives the child up for adoption.

Multiple Parenthood

There are also family constellations in which more than two people decide to share responsibility for a child. For example, when a woman has a child with a gay couple or a lesbian and a gay couple want to share responsibility. However, there is no legal basis for co-parenting in Germany so far. More than two parents are not legally possible.

Surrogacy

Surrogacy, the carrying of a child by another woman, is prohibited in Germany. This ban also applies to heterosexual couples.

If a child is born into the relationship of a lesbian couple, the person giving birth is always considered the legal mother. The wife or partner must adopt the child by way of stepchild adoption in order to become the legal parent and obtain custody. The youth welfare office must approve the adoption. If the sperm donor is a private donor, the donor must also consent to the stepchild adoption. If the sperm comes from a sperm bank, the consent of the (anonymous) sperm donor is not required.