Separate ways

Home is the most important place in a child's life. Everything can be shaken up when parents separate. For children, this is often accompanied by fear, sadness, uncertainty and many questions. It is important that even in the event of a separation, the well-being of your child is the focus. In North Rhine-Westphalia, numerous counseling centers offer advice and help on how you can continue to be there for your child.

When the familiar family life breaks up, it is a drastic break in life for children - regardless of the age at which they experience the separation. A permanent separation triggers strong feelings and often has far-reaching consequences for the future:

• It is feelings such as grief, anger and fear that almost all children go through in this situation.
• Not infrequently, children develop feelings of guilt for being (partly) responsible for the separation.
• The domestic separation, combined with the double household management, can lead to financial constraints that also burden the children.
• A possible change of residence means for children that they have to cope with a move to a new environment and ggfs. also in another daycare or school to get used to.
• Frequently, a separation for children means that they see one of the parents less often.

Often children react very strongly to a separation of parents. The indications that your child is suffering can be very different:

• It withdraws, is introverted, becomes silent, is often sad, hardly laughs.
• It shows sleep disorders.
• It is scared, clings to parents, wants them constantly together.
• It feels guilty.
• It has difficulties in school, the grades sag.
• It no longer wants to meet with friends.

But: Every child reacts differently depending on age and development. Even though your child may not visibly show his feelings to the outside world, he may suffer from the situation.

Reach out to your child when you feel he is not doing well, and be there for him. Talk openly with him about the situation and possible worries and fears. Don't hesitate to take advantage of support or counseling services, such as family counseling.

Children have the right to both parents. The reverse is also true for parents, whether they are married or not:

• Both parents have the right to see their child.
• Be fair, look for an amicable and child-friendly solution to problems, even if you as parents the conversation with each other difficult.
• Stay in the exchange, divide tasks responsibly.
• Make sure that not one parent is only responsible for everyday life, the other for great leisure activities.