Communication between generations

With teenagers in puberty, there are discussions almost every day: for example, about the style of dress, the chaos in the children's room, the length of the party, spontaneous sleepovers with friends, high media consumption and, and, and ... Finding the right tone in this area of tension is not easy. Unfortunately, there is no patent remedy for parents, but a good communication behavior is helpful to accompany your child through the stormy time.

It should be noted in advance that adolescents no longer want to be treated like little children or patronized. Teenagers don't like announcements like "Get up at last" or "Now finally start learning," nor do they like long lectures about the health consequences of smoking or the dangers of drugs. Blanket accusations like "You're always late" or "That's no way to run around," rarely lead to insight. Resistance from the offspring is already pre-programmed.

But what do parenting experts say about how parents can do better? Here are some tips on how to talk to your pubescent child more easily during this time:

• Refuse generalizations, accusations and sweeping statements.
• Express yourself clearly and understandably, without beating around the bush. Avoid "texting" your child.
• Remember your role model function and communicate non-violently.
• Display genuine interest in what your child is saying and how he or she is feeling. Adolescents can tell pretty quickly if parents are listening to them seriously or only with half an ear.
• Consciously take time to listen and ask questions. Let yourself in a non-judgmental way to new points of view of your child.
• Hold back with parental advice. Especially teenagers in puberty often feel these suggestions as paternalism. Let your child present a solution himself. This way, it learns to develop problem-solving skills.
• Express yourself in the "I-form". Instead of "listen to me finally" say better "Let me please also once to talk out."
• Show understanding for your child without giving up clear statements. Instead of "Get dressed now finally" better so: "I also wish sometimes to be able to lie longer in the morning. Please get up now anyway so you can get to school on time."
• Formulate your own feelings instead of blaming your child or issuing admonishments right away. Instead of, "If you're late again, then ..." better say, "I'm seriously worried if you're not home at the appointed time. How can we find a solution?"
• Express criticism factually and understandable, but not hurtful.
• Avoid arrogance, sarcasm, exposing or ironic remarks. In adolescence, teenagers are particularly sensitive and quickly quarrel with self-confidence.
• Look again and again at the strengths and positive qualities of your child. Do not forget to praise even small successes. Show your child appreciation and recognition to boost self-confidence.
• Don't weigh your child's every word in the balance during this time. Teenagers often do not know how to express themselves appropriately in emotional situations. Personal slights to parents are often not meant as they sound at first.
• Use shared meals or outings to address issues close to your heart in a relaxed atmosphere.
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• If you have gone off the deep end after all: Apologize for it to your child. Thus, you are a good role model.

There are teenagers who completely withdraw during puberty and no longer talk to their parents. This behavior is also normal for a transitional period. Adolescents share their experiences only very rarely with their parents and they also no longer allow themselves to be questioned. The more urgently you ask, the more your offspring may turn their ears down. As parents, you should accept the temporary withdrawal and still signal that they are always there as a conversation partner if your child has sorrow or would like to share joyful experiences.

Parents also need to learn to let go. This is an important realization that will help you accept that your child is slowly detaching from you.