Bullying

Bullying, annoying, humiliating and hurting someone over a long period of time - this is called "bullying". The following forms of bullying can be distinguished:

• Verbal bullying: for example, calling names, insulting, spreading rumors, assigning blame, blackmailing
.
• Nonverbal bullying: for example, ignoring, withholding information, excluding
.
• Physical bullying: for example, beating up or other aggressive or hostile attacks
.

The reasons for bullying are complex. Triggers for the attacks can already be small things. The perpetrators are mostly looking for a weakness or a sore spot where the victim is vulnerable and can not defend themselves. One nasty remark is followed by another and the others laugh along. Sometimes others from the group join in and mob. It does not always remain only with verbal attacks, sometimes it also comes to physical violence

In cyberbullying, the attacks do not occur in the real world, but in the virtual world, for example in social networks. There, the perpetrator spreads insults or photos or videos that expose the victim. The inhibition threshold is often lower because there is a better chance of remaining undetected. The humiliations reach the bullying victim by cell phone or computer everywhere and around the clock. What's especially bad is that anything that spreads on the Internet cannot be deleted again.

Who humiliates his counterpart, often feels himself stronger. The behavior of the person doing the deed can have different causes, for example

• personal motives such as envy, resentment or competitiveness,
.
• desire for own recognition,
• xenophobia,
• Areacting to rejection, frustration or anger,
• Distraction from own weaknesses,
• Transmission of self-experienced injustice,
• lack of conflict skills,
• boredom.

Ahead of the curve: bullying can affect any child - regardless of age, appearance, self-confidence or type of school attended. However, because bullying is about power and control, perpetrators often specifically seek out weak, defenseless victims. Children and young people who

• have low self-esteem and do not defend themselves or rarely do so,
• are more fearful, conformist, quiet or physically inferior,
• are considered outsiders, nerds, or newbies in the classroom,
• have something that others cannot afford,
• deviate from the class norm in some way (e.g., skin color, weight, disability, style of dress).

In detail, how children deal with problems often differs greatly from one another. Bullying can therefore cause many different reactions. You should be alert, for example, if your child changes his or her behavior for seemingly no reason.

Frequently, victims are ashamed of their own situation and blame themselves. Or they do not have the courage or even fear to make the act public. Those who are bullied for a long time feel helpless and lonely, which in turn makes them ill. Symptoms that may be an indication that your child is a bullying victim can be, for example:

• Lessness and withdrawal into one's own four walls
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• Lessness to learn, school anxiety, drop in performance
.
• Lack of appetite and difficulty sleeping
.
• Recurrent abdominal pain or headaches
.

Signs of advanced bullying may include missing things or damage to clothes or bike. If your child needs money or the pocket money is suddenly not enough, he or she could also be threatened or blackmailed by others.

If your child is quickly intimidated, this motivates the perpetrator to continue his or her mean game. However, if he or she reacts confidently and lets the insults bounce off him or her, the attacker may soon no longer enjoy it. It is therefore important that you give your child a healthy self-esteem. This will make it possible for your daughter or son to confidently fend off personal attacks. If you have a trusting relationship, it will also be easier for your child to confide in you if something goes wrong at school, in the club or in the clique. Then you can consider together which strategy will achieve the best success against bullying.

• Give your child the opportunity to set his or her own boundaries and respect them.
• Encourage your child to speak up confidently in family discussions.
• Encourage friendships and social contacts in your child. A child who has friends is less likely to be attacked than a loner.
• Enable your child to experience success (for example, in sports, family outings, etc.) by challenging him, but not overwhelming.
• Be a parental role model and solve conflicts in the family constructively and without violence.
• Talk to your child about the issue of bullying and possible strategies to deal with it.
• Encourage your child to get help if he or she or a friend is affected.

What can you do if it is confirmed that your child has become a bullying victim? First, you should explain to your child that he or she is not to blame for what is happening. The responsibility lies solely with the perpetrator. It is important that you intervene. Together, consider workable solutions to stop the bullying in the future. Involve your child in everything you do and don't decide anything over his or her head.

The most important steps:

• Document evidence such as threatening letters, postings, or chat histories.
• To find the trigger of the attacks, you can consult trusted people from the child's school, circle of friends or sports club.
• In the case of cyberbullying, block all contact possibilities of the perpetrator.
• Contact a counseling center to seek help and support.
• In serious cases, you should contact the police and in the case of cyberbullying, the operator of the website.
• Many child and youth welfare organizations now offer courses and workshops on the subject of bullying. Inquire about offers at your city or municipality.