Stress
Young people under stress
What is wrong with my child? They are unable to concentrate, can't fall asleep at night, often complain of headaches or stomach aches and seem listless. Stress has many faces. It is not always easy for parents - and also for the children themselves - to recognize what is behind it. This article provides information on the triggers and symptoms of stress as well as effective strategies to combat it.
Positive and negative stress: what's the difference?
Not every type of stress is harmful. We distinguish between two types of stress:
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Positive stress
Positive stress is a "friend and helper in times of need". It ensures that we can perform particularly well under pressure or in acute danger. The body then mobilizes all its energies; afterwards it returns to "normal operation".
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Negative stress
Negative stress arises when it is not possible to switch from an alarm state to a normal state. If the pressure to perform increases permanently at school, for example, the situation cannot simply be relieved by running away. As the "valve" is missing, the stress can damage body and soul in the long term.
Does stress levels increase during adolescence?
Stress levels increase significantly in adolescence compared to the first few years of life. Increasing demands at school, changes during puberty and false expectations of one's own body image, stressful experiences at school or events such as parental separation are often triggers for stress symptoms in adolescents.
What are the consequences of stress?
There are biological reasons for a stress reaction. In a challenging situation, the body releases hormones that enable a spontaneous fight or flight response: Breathing becomes faster, blood pressure rises, blood flow to the muscles increases, digestion is delayed and sensitivity to pain decreases. However, if the alarm situation does not pass noticeably, hormone production remains at full speed. This can lead to various physical symptoms such as nervousness and restlessness, abdominal pain or headaches, sleep disorders, aggressive behavior, irritability and listlessness.
Persistent stress leads to a vicious circle: if you are nervous or listless, have a headache or stomach ache, you are less able to concentrate and your performance is impaired.
If your child writes a class assignment or takes an exam in this state, they will most likely not be able to reach their full potential. A poor result in turn reduces their self-esteem and increases their fear of failing again next time.
Researching the causes and which paths lead out of the stress trap?
If you notice one or two symptoms of stress in your child, you should take time for a calm discussion. Try to find out whether your observations are correct and what could be triggering the stress:
- Does your child feel overwhelmed at school? Are they afraid of bad grades? Do they need support, for example through targeted tutoring? Does the choice of school need to be reconsidered?
- Is the diary too full due to long school days and too many leisure activities? How can the deadline pressure be reduced if the calendar is too full?
- Does your child have enough sports to compensate for the stressful school day - or does the pressure to perform in the club possibly cause additional stress?
- Are your parental expectations of your child's performance too high? Set realistic goals together with your child.
- Is your child suffering from exclusion or bullying? Talk to a trusted person at school or in the club together with your child.
- Are there problems within the family that could be stressful for your child? Then these should be discussed at a family conference.
How can parents be good role models for their children?
Try to help your child gently. First of all, it is important that you do not reprimand poor performance, but show understanding and provide encouragement. Show your child that their well-being comes first. Together you can consider how you can reduce the stress. This may require a discussion with your child's teacher. Do not hesitate to seek medical advice or psychological support. Realize that you yourself are a role model for how your child deals with stress. Model composure and don't immediately see defeats as disasters.
Tips for parents: How to make your child strong and resilient
These tips can have a supportive effect in times of emotional stress and promote the ability to relax:
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Look and ask:
Take time to talk to your child regularly and show them that you are there for them, even in mentally difficult phases. You can ask: "How are you doing?", "How can we support you?", "Where are you reaching your limits and where do you need help?", "What form can this help take?" Show honest interest and understanding for their worries and fears.
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Be a role model:
As a parent, you can consciously show your child how to deal with stress in a healthy way. Demonstrate how you deal with stressful situations by integrating relaxation techniques into your everyday life. You can find tips on this on the gesund.bund.de website in the article "Relaxation techniques: Which techniques can help against stress". Encourage your child to develop and try out similar strategies.
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Plan time for relaxation and leisure:
Too much time and pressure to perform and too many commitments or appointments can lead to stress in both children and adults. It is important to set boundaries and say "no" from time to time. In addition to school and extracurricular activities, it is important to create time and space for rest and relaxation. Support your daughter or son in finding hobbies or activities that are enjoyable and help to reduce stress.
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Ensure you get enough sleep:
Restful sleep is one of the best ways to reduce stress. People who get a healthy amount of sleep are less tired and less irritable.
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Promote a healthy diet:
Too much stress often results in an unhealthy diet of fatty and sugary foods. You can create a healthy environment in the family by offering healthy meals and teaching your child the importance of an active lifestyle. Cook fresh meals together with your child on a regular basis. There are often good opportunities for in-depth conversations in the kitchen.
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Physical exercise clears the mind:
Especially in stressful times, the inner bastard is often particularly difficult to overcome. But it's worth getting out your bike or putting on your running shoes, for example, especially in stressful times. Encourage your child to do sport. This regulates the stress hormones and ensures the release of happiness hormones. It doesn't depend on a specific type of sport. Anything that is fun is beneficial, for example dancing, swimming, cycling, jogging and much more.
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Digital detox more often:
Today, our cell phones are a constant companion in our everyday lives. The constant availability, endless sensory overload due to the abundance of information and the negative side effects of social media channels can cause immense stress and have been proven to make people ill. A good piece of advice for all family members is to consciously put their smartphones away for longer periods of time. Parents also have a role model function here.
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Develop problem-solving skills:
Stress often arises from a feeling of helplessness in difficult situations. By helping your child to develop problem-solving skills, you give them the tools to overcome challenges. Encourage your child to find different alternative courses of action and adopt alternative perspectives in a variety of situations. You can discuss the various options together and weigh up the pros and cons. Help your child to make their own decision and support them in implementing it. Show them that it is normal to make mistakes and that there is always a way to tackle and overcome problems. By being patient and encouraging, you will help to build self-confidence and independence.
Where can we find help and advice?
There are many online guides and various free apps that provide free meditation, relaxation and mindfulness exercises to help you get through everyday life more relaxed and mentally stronger. Some apps also offer special content for children and young people to help them cope with stress.
From yoga and tai chi to meditation: most health insurance companies teach methods for relaxation techniques that have a positive effect on physical health - they often even subsidize participation in prevention courses. Ask your health insurance provider whether prevention courses are offered for stress reduction or for learning relaxation techniques and how much they are subsidized.
If you notice that the psychological stress is too high and your child's well-being is severely impaired, it may make sense to seek professional help. For example, from specialists, child and adolescent psychologists, psychotherapists or specialized clinics:
On the website of the German Society for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Psychosomatics and Psychotherapy, you will find a search function for clinics in your area under "Care services".
The Federal Association of Child and Adolescent Psychotherapists also offers a search service on its website.
You can take advantage of parent counseling free of charge at any time. Contact details can be found here on Familienportal.NRW.
Contact points for children and young people:
Young people can find experienced advisors at the bke youth counseling service who can offer support and help
The Nummer gegen Kummer can be reached on 0800 1110333 and 116111.
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