Enough with Hotel Mama

The nest squatting has not generally to do with comfort. The fact is also due to other reasons:

• Rents are exploding, living space especially in large cities and metropolitan areas is scarce and expensive. Small and inexpensive apartments are hard to come by.
• The training period lasts in part significantly longer, which postpones the entry into the profession. The bachelor's degree leaves little time for jobbing. The children are longer financially dependent on their parents.
• In the pandemic, the study takes place mainly online. The move to the university city is initially not even necessary. This increases the proportion of students who stay at home with their parents for economic reasons.
• Parents and children get along much better today. Conflicts are less frequent, the relationship is often amicable, living together in the parental home is harmonious.
• While children used to want to move out quickly from the confines of home, the living situation today is usually much more relaxed.
• Some parents find it (unconsciously) difficult to let go of the children. Out of sheer love, they send the wrong signals. The refrigerator is always full, a hot meal is reliably on the table, the laundry is done on time, there is no need to take responsibility yourself. For the offspring it is simply very comfortable in the cozy home and the drive to leave the nest is (understandably) often not very large.

Parents love their children more than anything. Nevertheless, you should convey to your child that moving out of the parental home is at some point a completely normal step towards independence. After all, you want to raise your son and daughter to be independent people who find their own way in the world. It is the task of mothers and fathers to accompany their child on this path to independence. Your child will not feel unloved as a result.
It may be that you are afraid of the so-called empty nest syndrome and find it perfectly okay if the detachment process is still delayed a bit. But precisely because you love your child, you should allow your son or daughter to lead an independent life with his or her own experiences at the right time. Some daughter and son may need a little parental push for this.

Education in independence begins as early as toddlerhood. Give your child age-appropriate tasks - as early as possible. You won't be doing your child any favors if you spoil him or her rotten and take everything off their hands. As the years go by, the tasks grow with them: doing your own laundry, shopping and cooking on your own, learning to manage your own money - all of these things promote everyday skills and your own self-confidence. This is the only way your child will learn to stand on their own two feet and take care of themselves.
Don't take all the problems away from your child when things get difficult. Rather, give your daughter and son time to look for solutions themselves first. Ask what suggested solutions your child has for the next challenge. Only then offer your help. Don't always make things as easy as possible for your child; it can be tedious at times. The more strenuous something is, the greater the joy when it succeeds. This experience promotes self-esteem and belief in one's own competencies.

The step toward independence is part of growing up. If the drive does not come from the son or daughter himself, parents are required to find clear words. This has nothing to do with a lack of love or rejection. But at some point, even nestmates have to find their own way:

• Address the topic openly and honestly. Ask about your child's plans for the future and agree on specific dates for the step into independence. Let your child feel that you are serious about the issue.
• Send clear messages: signal when it is time to move out. Perhaps when the education is completed or the year abroad ends. Clarify together how the move out should look. Also discuss what moving out means financially. Will there be enough money to buy your own apartment or a room in a shared apartment? What furniture can your child take with him, what equipment must be purchased?
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• Set the conveniences, become inconvenient instead: no longer take your child annoying chores. Take a trip without filling up the fridge. Distribute chores like mowing the lawn, doing the weekly grocery shopping, doing your own laundry. Of course, you should communicate this beforehand, like, "It's okay if you want to live here, but you're not a kid anymore and you can take on more responsibility now."
• If your child still lives at home and already earns his own money, ask for a share of the household costs. Rent, electricity, water, cell phone contract, radio and television fees, catering - all this wants to be paid and their offspring can certainly participate in it. The amount of a so-called "cost allowance" is not set by law. But you can negotiate with your child about a reasonable financial contribution.
• Basis of all conversations should always be a fair and respectful communication. So the door remains open for further contact with each other. Because even if the children are now grown up, the feeling with the parents to have a base where you are always welcome, continues to give support in later life.