Interview with Christa Kortenbrede on the topic of protection against sexualized violence against children and young people

In recent years, many acts of sexualized violence against children and young people have become public knowledge. Many affected persons have found the courage to report their experiences and they have been heard more. The frequency and extent of sexualized violence against children and young people is frightening. So is the realization that sexualized violence is usually perpetrated by people and in places that actually enjoy the trust of children and parents. Many parents ask themselves, "How can I protect my child? And what do I do if I have a hunch, a suspicion?" Specialized counseling centers offer advice, help and support. What exactly does this look like?

We talk to Christa Kortenbrede, specialist counselor at the specialized center for protection against sexualized violence in childhood and adolescence at the Caritasverband für Ahlen, Drensteinfurt und Sendenhorst e.V.

When (or at what point) it makes sense to turn to a counseling center or, for example, also to the help phone sexual abuse?

This is useful at any time, as soon as you are concerned about this issue. Whether you just have a question or are looking for specific help and support, because you suspect that a child may be affected or a child has reported sexual assault. The topic is complex and the most important thing is to take insecurities and possible warning signs seriously and not to remain alone with them. Together it is easier to take a closer look at fears and anxieties and to get an orientation for the concrete situation. From the smallest irritation to the greatest concern, all inquiries are right with us.

What are the warning signs to look out for? What should I react to?

If children's state of mind or behaviors suggest that something is wrong or something is bothering them, parents should always respond by being interested and open to any topic, no matter what it is. Even if young people do not take direct advantage of the offer to talk, it is important that they perceive a sincere interest, resilience to crisis, and an open ear.
When children or young people make suggestions that people are acting strangely, they should take an unexcited but sincere interest without jumping to conclusions. What do you mean by weird? Can you be more specific? When a child reports being "touched," it's important to ask only open-ended questions that don't presuppose your own answer idea: Where on your body were you touched? Instead of, 'Did he touch you on your bottom?' You should also not ask probing detailed questions. Just the important ones to understand what kind of experience their child is reporting.

You should also respond if there are behaviors or situations of adults interacting with children/youth that make you wonder. Behaviors that you experience as inappropriate should be addressed without implying bad intentions. In the event of irritation or a "funny feeling" that is bothering you, you can confidentially enter into an exchange with a specialized professional counseling center without doing too much or too little with it.

How and where can parents find a suitable counseling center near them?

A very good overview is provided by the homepage www.hilfe-portal-missbrauch.de. Here you will find both the telephone number of the help portal and a search mask with which you can find the nearest specialist advice center in your area on the basis of your zip code. Already with the help telephone you can receive by telephone or on-line a first consultation and information over the nearest specialized consulting center.

What can parents and children expect in an initial consultation? How does this proceed in the counseling center?

We usually conduct the initial interview first alone with the parents who want an offer for their child. In the initial interview, we get together an overview of what is the cause for concern.
If parents already know specifically that their child has experienced sexual assault, the focus will be on how to ensure the child's protection from further assault and reactions by the accused person, and what the child now needs first for his or her mental health. Counseling will also focus on how the parents are currently feeling. For them, the news that their child has experienced a sexual assault represents its own shock situation. The aim is to support the parents in this shock situation and to help them to be a stable pillar of support for their child. For caregivers, as well as for the victims, it is important to have a supportive person by their side when disclosing the violence they have experienced. Together we then discuss which next steps are important. The most important step is usually already taken at this moment: the violence has been disclosed and can thus be stopped.

If parents have no concrete indications, but an uneasy feeling, we look together at what the reason is and what can be helpful and protective for their child. Imparting knowledge, messages and possible actions regarding children's rights and the right to sexual self-determination is always helpful and supportive for children and adolescents, regardless of whether a concrete concern or fear is confirmed or not. It's like having a first aid kit in case of need.

What can children/youth expect in an initial interview?

When children/youth come to the initial interview accompanied by their parents, we talk about who would like to have a counseling session and why. The counselor of counselors then describes how a counseling process can be designed to fit the concerns, desires and needs of a child or adolescent. Initially, the focus will be on getting to know each other so that the child or young person can find out if he or she feels comfortable in a counseling session with the counselor.

Children and young people can also contact a counseling center on their own. Counseling is confidential and can be done without the knowledge of the guardians if desired.
In the consultation everything can be topic, which concerns the children/adolescents concerned up-to-date, all the same whether this concerns the experiences of a sexual assault and its consequences or the consequences of the disclosure of an experience of violence or however other current life events, which stand - independently of an experience of violence - straight in the foreground. In any case, the young person with his or her current concerns is the focus of the counseling.

What happens to the data and information? Do the conversations remain confidential? Does the counseling center pass on information to the police or the youth welfare office, although this may not be desired?

Counseling at a specialized counseling center is confidential. The parents or caregivers of the child decide for themselves whether and what next steps they want to take. This also applies to the decision whether to file a criminal complaint or whether the youth welfare office for further supportive assistance measures should be requested.

There is, however, one exception to which we explicitly point out at the beginning of each consultation:
. Should we learn of an acute danger to a child and should the person to be advised, even with the support of the counseling center, not be willing or able to do what is necessary to avert this acute danger, then we have our own protection mandate and would have to inform the Youth Welfare Office of an acute threat to the welfare of a child. However, should such an exceptional situation arise, we would explicitly discuss this in the consultation.

We would only have to inform the police in the extreme exceptional situation that we learn of a concretely planned crime whose implementation is imminent and which must be prevented immediately.

Since parents and caregivers contact a counseling center to find the best possible way to help and protection for themselves, this exceptional situation is extremely rare, because we plan together what paths for those seeking advice as conceivable and possible and offer support on their way.

How confidential is counseling for children and adolescents?

There is also a duty of confidentiality regarding the counseling and the content of the counseling of children and adolescents. Children and adolescents also have a right to counseling without the knowledge of the legal guardians. This is important so that young people who need help feel free to seek confidential advice in any situation.

This confidentiality may also be broken without the consent of the children/young people only if this is the only way to protect them from severe threats. Here, too, such a step would always be discussed with the child or young person in advance.

If the concern or even the suspicion is there, what do you advise parents, in this situation? How should they deal with this suspicion?

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When a concrete suspicion is the most difficult and at the same time most important to keep calm. First take a breath and seek support to be able to act prudently. Turn to a contact person who is discreet and level-headed, advises you, but does not act in your place. Depending on the situation, there are several things to consider so that possible evidence can be secured or further clarification can succeed well. Specialized counseling centers are experienced in this and can advise you confidentially.

A possible criminal complaint should be made quickly but thoughtfully. As soon as you contact the police, it is a criminal complaint that cannot be withdrawn. The police are obliged to investigate every suspicion of sexual assault on children. Therefore, it is wise to first get clarification in order to make an informed decision.
However, the focus is on responding helpfully to the young person involved.

If children/young people name concrete experiences of sexualized violence, you should definitely take them seriously. Even if it seems inconceivable to you what is reported to them, accept what you hear and consider first steps to protect and support them. It is advisable to write down the wording of what you have heard as soon as possible. You should not confront the accused person immediately, but first seek counseling support for further steps. The good thing is, the child, the adolescent is now no longer alone with his burden and also you do not have to remain alone with it.

If it is an unsafe assumption, you should treat it discreetly and take time to deal with what has caused this assumption. With the help of an experienced professional, you can look at it together and consider possible or necessary steps, or even see fears in a different light by looking at them further.

Why does it help not to hesitate and contact a counseling center in case of insecurities?

By contacting a counseling center, you can specifically and calmly take a look at the insecurities that are bothering you anyway and share them with an experienced professional. Expert counselors are skilled at taking different angles and perspectives with you and guiding you in an assessment.

Consultation offers you the chance to gain more clarity and ideas for action in a joint exchange, or also more security in dealing with remaining uncertainties.

What further steps become necessary if the suspicion is confirmed? What further support can provide the counseling centers here?

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If a suspicion becomes concrete or a suspicion is substantiated, counseling centers can advise and support you regarding necessary and possible steps to protect the child and the further clarification and processing process. The questions and challenges in such a situation are manifold:

• How can I support and accompany my child well now?
• How can I talk to my child and what should I talk about?
• Is a medical examination useful?
• What to expect when filing a criminal complaint?
• What legal options are available to us for protection and further security and processing?

Specialized counseling centers are well networked on the various aspects of the subject and can refer you to medical, legal and other therapeutic professionals and services.

What happens if a suspicion turns out to be unfounded?

As a matter of principle, a suspicion should not be expressed hastily, but only if there are sufficiently concrete, provable indications. Suspicions must be considered more closely, but should be treated with the utmost discretion. It is possible that the reasons for which a suspicion has arisen may not be substantiated, may be refuted, or may be explained otherwise.
If the suspicion/suspicion has already been expressed to the accused person and/or third parties, it is important to likewise inform these persons of the disconfirming findings in a concrete, comprehensive and comprehensible manner and to withdraw the suspicion.

Just as the reasons for the arousal of suspicion must be taken seriously, the clarifying and invalidating reasons must also be clearly named and appreciated. From the realizations from which reasons the suspicion could develop, teaching realms for the future should be generated for all involved ones.

What can parents do to protect their child/children?

In my opinion, parents providing their children with knowledge, messages, and courses of action that make it easier for them to confide and get help when someone violates their personal boundaries and disregards their rights provides the most protection.

Accordingly, it is important to empower children in the exercise of their rights, such as that tenderness and body contact are only okay as long as it is comfortable for both of them and that uncomfortable touching does not have to be endured for anyone's sake. That it is never okay for someone to scare or threaten them. That anything that is bothering you may be confided in someone - even if it is embarrassing or forbidden. Words for sexual are important, I can only talk about sexual experiences if I have words for it and the topic is allowed.
Tell your children about examples and solutions in situations of being emotionally torn. We all experience challenging situations where it takes courage to speak the truth or to reject and disappoint a loved one's wishes. Give your children examples and encouragement of how such situations were resolved and who or what was helpful in the process. Let your children learn that stressful things can become easier when we share them with someone. Practice and demonstrate your competence in dealing with shocking news with the confidence that there will be help, companionship and support in new ways. All of this increases the chance that children will recognize injustice and seek help.

Mrs. Kortenbrede, thank you very much for the interview.