Chronically ill parents

When one parent suffers from a chronic illness or disability, this has serious consequences for all family members. The worries and hardships burden the parents - and the children suffer along with them. As a mother or father, you ask yourself how you can compensate for the restrictions in everyday life so that your child can still develop well.

Chronic diseases such as multiple sclerosis, rheumatism or cancer are associated with considerable stress in everyday life, often also with severe pain and mood swings of those affected. This makes parenting more difficult. Often, the needs of the chronically ill or disabled parent are initially in the foreground. Carefree family activities are rare, because even normal everyday life takes a lot of energy, the organizational effort is significantly higher, the mood in the family may be more often tense or irritable.

In this situation, children often take on more household duties or look after younger siblings. This leaves little room for hobbies, their own interests and leisure activities with friends. Children of chronically ill parents also live with a constant worry about their mother or father. Even small children sense very sensitively when something is wrong. In addition, there is the constant fear that the state of health could worsen.

Such stresses can be difficult for children in the long run, possibly causing them to withdraw or isolate themselves. They often hide their own problems and worries because they don't want to put additional strain on their parents. The excessive demands can lead to anxiety, depressive moods and psychosomatic illnesses. The health risk increases if the illness of a parent overshadows family life for many years without the children receiving targeted support. The chronic illness or disability of a sibling can also be similarly stressful for children, as here, too, the constant pressure is on them to have to function so as not to place even more demands on the family.

If you or the other parent is affected by a chronic illness, here are some things you can do in particular:

• Talk about the disease, prognosis and treatment options with your child in an age-appropriate way.
• Topic your own concerns and fears with each other.
• Involve people you trust.
• Allow free times and independent activities for your child.
• Seek targeted support to relieve the tense family routine.
• Accept possible outside help to create space for positive family experiences.

To support families in which a parent is affected by a chronic illness or disability, support services include:

• The Supplementary Independent Participation Counseling (EUTB) supports people with disabilities and chronic illnesses. There are over 500 advice centers where you can get free advice. Use the search engine on the website www.teilhabeberatung.de to find a suitable counseling service near you.
• The free app "Teilhabeberatung" offers you information about forms of support as well as the possibility to request a desired appointment with a counseling service. You can download the QR code to download the app here:
• QR code to the app in the App Store (for iOS) [JPG, 4 KB]
• QR code to the app in the Google Play Store (for Android) [JPG, 4 KB]
• The professional association of disabled and chronically ill parents bbe e. V. is a self-help association and offers parent seminars, counseling as well as contact mediation between disabled parents.
• The website www.einfach-teilhaben.de of the Federal Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs offers comprehensive information to people with disabilities and their families. The info phone can be reached at 030 221 911006.