Grief work
Processing the death of a loved one
What helps children cope with loss
Nothing is the same when a parent, sibling, friend or other loved one dies. Grief is limitless. No grief reaches so deep, takes so much time and may never go so completely. Around 800,000 children live in Germany who have lost one or both parents. A high number - behind each one lies an individual fate. But no one has to remain alone in their grief.
How do children grieve?
Not until around 9 or 10 years of age can children understand that their loved one is gone for good with death. Grief expresses itself very differently in children and often comes in spurts:
- Some children withdraw.
- Some react with anger and aggression, which can also be directed against themselves.
- Some cling to their everyday life, at times seem carefree, play a lot. Then again, the grief bursts out of them and they cry abruptly. .
How do family members best deal with the situation?
To support the grieving process, your child needs a lot of love and closeness now. Give the grief space:
- Bring patience. It helps your child when adults listen, give warmth and show understanding.
- Don't hide your own grief. But convey that there is another way together. Grief can strengthen the cohesion of the bereaved.
- The more your child is encouraged to share his or her pain with others, the more likely he or she will be able to cope with the loss.
How can you support your child now?
- Just be there, if possible, do not leave your child alone.
- Be sure to inform the school, also clubs and other institutions that your child regularly attends.
- Do not exclude your child from the funeral. Saying goodbye is an important and irretrievable ritual. Explain how a funeral proceeds. Accept the child's will, whether he or she wants to be there or not.
- Encourage your child to go about his or her usual daily life.
Who can provide professional help for your child?
Talking about it helps: Sharing about dying, death, grief and loss does children good. There are a variety of options for this. Give your child the opportunity to accept help outside the family:
- Spiritual counselors, grief counselors, and psychologists can be helpful people to talk to.
- Encourage sharing in facilitated groups with children and young people who have suffered the same fate.
- In almost every city, there are bereavement groups for children and adolescents. Ask, for example, at the Youth Welfare Office or in the churches for contact persons. .
- Also online counseling and chats can provide helpful support.
Who can you turn to in critical situations?
Telephone consultation
- Parents as well as children and adolescents can contact the number against sorrow 116 111 at any time in acute crises.
- The telephone counselling service is available around the clock at 0800 111 0 111 or 116 123.
Online counseling
The nationwide online counseling www.da-sein.de is a digital contact point for children and young people on the topics of parting, death and grief (including a podcast).
The Internet portal www.youngwings.de is an online counseling center for grieving children and adolescents with a forum and weekly chat.
A protected grief chat room for sharing with others in a similar situation can be found by teens and young adults at www.doch-etwas-bleibt.de. The portal also offers a lot of grief information, book tips and other link tips for grieving children and teens.