Mental Load

To keep everyday family life running smoothly, there are many everyday tasks to organize. Mothers in particular often feel responsible for keeping track of everything that needs to be considered around children, daycare and the family, around doctor's appointments, birthdays or celebrations.The uneven load carried by one parent or one person can lead to overwhelm. The mental load trap snaps shut!

The daily routine between job and family is exhausting. And then there are the many small, often invisible things around the management of family life that want to be considered:

Are there still enough change of clothes in the daycare center? Do the rain gear still fit? When does child 1 have to go for a check-up and when was the vaccination date for child 2? Then there is the question of who will pick up the children from their grandparents tomorrow and who will bake the cake for the daycare party at the weekend. And finally, the mother-in-law has a birthday soon and a gift wants to be procured.

Do you also have all the dates and details in your head? Perhaps your mental merry-go-round often revolves around the open items on the to-do lists that never seem to come to an end.The constant organization of everyday family life is demanding and causes stress. This constant burden is described by the term mental load.If the mental load becomes too great, mental load can impair health and, in the worst case, lead to parent burnout.

In many families, the mother slips into the role of family manager after the birth. Usually without her being aware of it. So it happens that working women often juggle three jobs at the same time:Her paid job, the unpaid management of her small family business with often far more than half of the work in the household, and her responsibility for the couple relationship as a devoted partner.

Often the solution is "Delegate more!" But that's easier said than done. Because delegating thinking and letting go of responsibility must first be learned. Here are some tips on how to succeed in freeing yourself from the Mental Load.

• Talk to your partner openly and calmly about the fact that you are overloaded. Tips on how to approach such a conversation can be found here on the Familienportal.NRW. Single parents should seek opportunities for exchange and support from other adult family members or among friends.
• The second step is to collect all the tasks and determine the distribution.Single parents certainly face special challenges here. But they should make sure, especially when taking on unavoidable tasks, for example, in the nursery or in the club, that they are limited to time (and financially) affordable things.
• All family appointments should be visible to all at any time and organized together. Only in this way are all informed about doctor's appointments, daycare festivals, birthdays and other obligations and can take responsibility for the completion.
• All participants must recognize that the responsibility for an assumed task from planning to execution lies 100% with the respective responsible person. Say: Remember birthdays, do the shopping, bring the child to daycare and also pick up again. All involved should be aware of what it means to take over a task independently: without additional reminders or (maternal) coaching.
• Even if it is annoying and time-consuming: it helps to make detailed lists and talk through the planning for the next week or month with each other. This provides transparency.
• The hardest part is called "letting go!" Mothers in particular must learn to really hand over the tasks completely. Even if there is a risk that something is forgotten, the partner does it differently or at a later time. And even if something goes wrong: the world certainly does not end from it.
• A little less perfectionism is certainly good for everyone. It's okay not to bake a cake for the school festival times itself, but perhaps just donate fresh fruit.