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Empty Nest Syndrome
When the children move out
Shaping the new phase of life when the children move out
When the children move out, there is suddenly a void. It becomes quiet at home. Perhaps sadness and a feeling of loneliness also spread. Tasks and duties that have determined everyday family life for years fall away. The partnership takes on a new role. Some mothers and fathers find this transition difficult. What you can do and where you can find help, read in this article.
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The English term "empty nest syndrome" can be translated as "empty nest syndrome." This family situation arises when the only or the last child moves out of the parental home. The grief of the abandoned nest hits many parents. This is perfectly normal. But even if the move out is a big break for the family - there is no separation in the real sense. It is not uncommon for the relationship with the children to improve with distance. Nevertheless, the "gap" that arises needs to be filled. Those who deal with the topic in good time can develop strategies that help well through this phase.
Empty nest syndrome can express itself in symptoms such as insomnia, little appetite and listlessness. A feeling of emptiness and some sadness - this is not a cause for concern for a temporary period. In most cases, after a few weeks and months, the joy about the newly gained time and relief and about the fact that the child is independently going its own way prevails. Those who are professionally or voluntarily engaged and active in their leisure time often get over the children's departure more quickly. The mourning phase is shorter or less intense. But it may be that one parent experiences the pain of separation more intensely. The one who did the bulk of the childcare is often more burdened and suddenly feels like he or she is no longer needed. In addition, some people begin to ponder their age and what life still has to offer them. If the nest-emptiness plunges you into a crisis of purpose or life, or if depression develops, you should definitely seek professional help.
When the children are out of the house, a new phase of life also begins for the parents. Obligations, daily routines, topics of conversation around the children - everything falls away. . This requires a fresh start: mothers and fathers may first have to learn to enjoy the regained freedom, adjust to togetherness and find joy in new tasks, hobbies, honorary offices and (revived) friendships. This lays a good foundation for a stable relationship that can also cope with the omission of the joint parenting task.
These tips can help parents make "letting go" of children easier:
Children don't grow up overnight. Realize from the beginning that your youngest child will also move out one day. Well before that time, deal with the thought of how you want to shape the new phase of life.
Keep regular contact with your children. With the new media, this is easier than ever. Through a joint WhatsApp group, Facetime or Skype, you continue to participate in the lives of your children. Look forward to the moments when the family gets together again. Visits and joint ventures may now even run much more relaxed than before.
Be open with your feelings. It goes to the vast majority of parents so. You do not have to hide your sadness. Talk to your partner and other affected mothers and fathers. Share your experience and strategies.
Activate old friendships in time, actively seek new acquaintances.
Use the newfound time for hobbies that have been too short for many years: Start exercising again, try a new sport, finally treat yourself to the beloved theater subscription, sign up for a language course, pursue your own preferences for which you have not had time for years.
Maybe you feel like volunteering in the future? Charities, neighborhood help, clubs and church institutions are happy about every helping hand. In many places, there are volunteer associations that advise interested parties and help to find the right task for themselves.
Make joint plans with your partner. Spend time together and rediscover your relationship. Use the free space to revive common interests or try something new. Maybe there's a major craft project coming up that you want to tackle together?
Use the space gained in the house or apartment to pursue your hobby or favorite pastime. Of course, with the consent of your child. Maybe set up a yoga corner in the children's room, a small studio, a gym or your workshop.
Have the courage to actively shape your new stage of life. You can be proud that your children are now independent and go your own way. Now it's your turn again to focus on your own needs.
More informationHelp and advice
Where can I find help and advice when I can't get out of grief?
If you cannot cope with the new life situation, you can get competent support from the marriage and family counseling centers in NRW. You can find a counseling center near you using the online finder of the German Association for Youth and Marriage Counseling
The telephone counselling service is available free of charge around the clock by calling 0800 111 0 111 or 0800 111 0 222.
The German Depression Aid Foundation has compiled help and information on dealing with depressive illnesses on its website. The info phone can be reached at 0800 33 44 533.
