Many studies show that loneliness has increased significantly among children and young people. This is also confirmed by therapist Christiane Wellnitz, head of the Protestant Counseling Center for Educational, Youth, Partnership and Life Issues in Bonn. We had the opportunity to talk to her about her experiences of dealing with loneliness.

Familienportal.NRW: What is your experience: what is the trend in loneliness at your advice center?

We are seeing a significant increase in requests for advice - both from young people and parents. It is striking that those seeking advice are getting younger and younger. Even 11 and 12-year-olds are seeking help. The proportion of men seeking advice has also increased, whereas previously it was mainly girls and young women who sought our advice.

What concerns and worries do people turn to the advice center with?

Parents report that their child is increasingly withdrawn, avoids social contact or develops anxiety. Some worry about poor school grades or because their child refuses to go to school. The number of young people with depression, suicidal thoughts or self-harming behavior is also increasing. Students come to us because they cannot cope with the pressure of their studies or see no prospects for themselves. Older people often have questions of meaning because they have few reliable relationships and no one to talk to about their worries and problems. The feeling of loneliness is often not at the forefront of initial discussions - it is rather the consequences that bring those affected to us. And we find that it is often the coronavirus after-effects that are only now becoming visible.

What impact is the coronavirus pandemic having on young people?

The pandemic has hit young people at a formative stage of their development. Those in the midst of puberty had little contact with their peers, were unable to try things out or have age-appropriate experiences. Those who were just starting their studies spent most of their time online at home in front of their laptop: no lectures, no interaction with other students, little contact with the outside world. And these missed experiences cannot simply be made up for. A piece of development is missing. Many have lost access to others and are now struggling with insecurities in social situations.

How can parents recognize that their child is feeling lonely?

The signs are of course individual and also vary according to age. Younger children, for example, have difficulties making friends, withdraw or seem sad. Children and adolescents often complain of physical complaints such as headaches or stomach aches. Withdrawal, sudden aggression or giving up hobbies occur during the puberty phase, but can also be warning signs. During puberty, however, it is more difficult to distinguish whether these are "normal" developmental phases or serious problems.

What advice do you give parents when you observe changes in behavior?

It is important that parents are attentive and openly address their observations: "I see that you are not doing well, that worries me". It's not about having advice at hand immediately, but rather signaling: "I understand, tell me about your problems. You can come to me at any time, I'm here for you." Parents should also ask themselves what the family situation was like during the pandemic and reflect honestly, even if this is not always easy. If you recognize this, you can look to the future together with your child.

At what point should parents seek professional help?

As soon as parents start to worry, it makes sense to seek advice. A first step can be to talk to other parents. My tip: "Have the courage to talk about the things that are bothering you." Parents often discover that other families have similar challenges and that no one is alone with the problem.

Another way is to seek professional advice. This is always a good idea! Sometimes a single conversation is enough, sometimes longer support is needed. Our advice is free, quickly accessible and can be anonymous. The children and young people decide for themselves whether they want to continue receiving support. Parents do not have to be involved if they do not wish to be.

When young people or parents seeking advice contact your advice center: How does a consultation work?

Parents or young people can register by phone or email and receive an appointment within four weeks - a major advantage over psychotherapy, for example, where waiting times can be up to six months. Parents can encourage their child to attend an initial appointment, after which the child decides for themselves how to proceed. Counseling is confidential and independent of the parents, if this is desired. We do not pass on anything to parents that has not been agreed in advance. And even if someone drops out of counseling, we make it clear: "You can come back at any time. Even at a later date."

Over what period of time does a consultation take place?

The duration of the consultation depends on the individual case. Building a trusting relationship takes time. That's why we value consistency. If we feel that the young person is in good hands with us, he or she can stay with us for a longer period of time. If necessary, we can also refer them to a clinic or day clinic. We then use our counseling to bridge the waiting time until a place becomes available.

How can parents empower their children to protect them from loneliness?

It's important to note that feeling lonely or alone is not fundamentally negative - it can be a valuable experience and lead to creative solutions. Parents cannot save and protect their children from everything, but they can remain attentive, question changes and signal a willingness to talk. The message should be: "I've got your back when you're not doing well." A reliable connection between parent and child is crucial. It's not about preventing or having to solve something, but about staying in contact.

Affected people often don't talk about their loneliness because they feel ashamed or uncomfortable. How are you involved in prevention to raise awareness of the issue of loneliness?

Our specialists actively approach parents and children: through parents' evenings in nurseries, consultations in family centers and school visits. These low-threshold services reach many families at an early stage and help to mitigate problems at an early stage.

What do you wish for the future?

Our helpful prevention services start at an early stage, stabilize families and help prevent serious problems. No matter what the issue is - couple conflicts, parenting issues or developmental crises - we can help a great deal with our counseling services. I therefore hope that our services can be maintained at this level.

What final piece of advice would you like to give parents?

"Talking helps: Not to take experiences away from the children, but to stay in touch."

Mrs. Wellnitz, thank you very much for the interview!

(The interview was conducted in 2025)