The next vaccination appointment is coming up. A birthday present needs to be bought for the daughter's friend. The son urgently needs new shoes. Then there's the question of who will pick up the children from gymnastics tomorrow and bake the cake for the school bazaar at the weekend. And when was the parents' evening at elementary school? Mothers in particular often feel responsible for keeping an eye on everything that needs to be considered around the children, nursery and school, the family and the relationship. The mental load trap snaps shut!

Everyday life between work and family is exhausting. And then there are the many small, often invisible things about managing family life that need to be taken care of. The carousel of thoughts is constantly spinning around the open items on the to-do lists that never seem to come to an end. Dthese continuous organizing everyday family life is demanding, stressful and associated with a permanent burden and is described with the term mental load. If the mental load becomes too great, it can Mental Load in the worst case lead to parental burnout.

In many families, the mother slips into the role of family manager after the birth. Usually without realizing it. As a result, working women often have to juggle three jobs at the same time: Her paid job, the unpaid management of her small family business with often far more than half of the work in the household and her responsibility for the couple relationship as a devoted partner.

Often the solution is "Delegate more!" But that's easier said than done. Because delegating thinking and letting go of responsibility must first be learned. Here are some tips on how to free yourself from mental load.

• Talk to your partner openly and calmly about the fact that you are overloaded. Tips on how to approach such a conversation can be found here on the Familienportal.NRW. Single parents should seek out opportunities for exchange and support from other adult family members or friends.
• The second step is to collect all the tasks and determine how they are to be distributed. Single parents certainly face particular challenges here. However, especially when taking on unavoidable tasks, e.g. at daycare, school or in a club, you should make sure that you limit yourself to things that are affordable in terms of time (and money).
• All family appointments should be visible to everyone at all times and organized together. This is the only way that everyone is informed about doctor's appointments, birthdays, schoolwork, deadlines and school trips and can take responsibility for completing them.
• Everyone involved must recognize that the responsibility for a given task lies 100% with the person in charge, from planning to implementation. In other words: remembering birthdays, doing the shopping, taking the child to and from school. Everyone involved should be aware of what it means to take on a task independently: without additional reminders or (maternal) coaching.
• Even if it's annoying and time-consuming, it helps to make detailed lists and talk through the planning for the next week or month together. This ensures transparency.
• The hardest part is: "Letting go!" Mothers in particular must learn to really hand over the tasks completely. Even if there is a risk that something will be forgotten, that the partner will do it differently or at a later date. And even if something goes wrong: it certainly won't end the world.
• A little less perfectionism is certainly good for everyone. It's okay not to bake a cake for the school party yourself, but maybe just donate fresh fruit instead.