Mental Load Trap

The next vaccination appointment is coming up. For the girlfriend of the daughter still a birthday gift must be procured. The son urgently needs new shoes. Then there is still the question of who will pick up the children from gymnastics tomorrow and bake the cake for the school bazaar at the weekend. And when was the parents' evening at the elementary school? Mothers in particular often feel responsible for keeping track of everything that needs to be considered around the children, daycare and school, the family and the relationship. The Mental Load trap snaps!

Daily life between job and family is exhausting. And then there are the many small, often invisible things around the management of family life that want to get done. The carousel of thoughts constantly revolves around the open items on the to-do lists that never seem to come to an end. Dthese steadily. organizing the family's daily life is demanding, stressful and with a continuous load associated and is described with the term Mental Load. If the mental load becomes too great,can Mental Load at worst lead to parent burnout.

In many families, the mother slips into the role of family manager after the birth. Usually without her being aware of it. As a result, working women often have to juggle three jobs at the same time: Her paid job, the unpaid management of her small family business with often far more than half of the work in the household, and her responsibility for the couple relationship as a devoted partner.

Often the solution is "Delegate more!" But that's easier said than done. Because delegating thinking and letting go of responsibility is something that must first be learned. Here are some tips on how to succeed in freeing themselves from the Mental Load.

• Talk to your partner openly and calmly about the fact that you are overloaded. Tips on how to approach such a conversation can be found here on the Familienportal.NRW. Single parents should seek opportunities for exchange and support from other adult family members or among friends.
• The second step is to collect all the tasks and determine the distribution. Single parents certainly face special challenges here. But they should pay attention, especially when taking over unavoidable tasks, for example, in the nursery, school or club, that they are limited to time (and financially) affordable things.
• All family appointments should be visible to all at all times and organized together. Only then are all informed about doctor's appointments, birthdays, schoolwork, deadlines and class trips and can take responsibility for the completion.
• All parties involved must recognize that the responsibility for an assumed task from planning to implementation is 100% with the respective responsible person. Say: remembering birthdays, doing the shopping, taking the child to school and also picking them up. All involved should be aware of what it means to take over a task independently: without additional reminders or (maternal) coaching.
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• Even if it is annoying and time-consuming: It helps to make detailed lists and talk through the planning for the next week or month with each other. This provides transparency.
• The hardest part is "letting go!" Moms, in particular, need to learn to really hand off tasks completely. Even if there is a risk that something will be forgotten, the partner will do it differently or at a later time. And even if something goes wrong: The world certainly does not end from it.
• A little less perfectionism is certainly good for everyone. It's okay not to bake a cake for the school festival times itself, but perhaps simply fresh fruit to donate.
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