Self-discovery
The road to an independent life is bumpy
Who am I, what can I do and where do I actually want to go in the future? These are fundamental questions that adolescents between the ages of 16 and 25 deal with intensively. During this phase, young people develop their own identity and world view and experience their first great love. As parents, you want to provide your child with the best possible support on this turbulent and sometimes challenging path and ask yourself the following questions: "How can we support our child well to promote self-confidence and a positive self-image?" And above all: "How can we keep in touch with each other during this developmental phase?" Find out in this article how you as a mother and father can take on a supportive role to help your child make the transition to adulthood.
Growing up is only complete at the age of 25
Between the ages of 16 and 25, important developmental steps take place in the body, brain and social life of young adults. It's good for parents to know more about this. This will enable you to better understand and lovingly support your teenager during this challenging time. Young people's brains and bodies undergo massive changes during puberty due to hormonal changes. Social maturity is not complete until around the age of 24 or 25. According to research, this is when the brain is fully developed. And as a rule, it is only then that a young person has found their own identity on the path to self-discovery.
The time until then is characterized by the classic questions of self-discovery such as:
Who am I? What am I like? How do I want to be? What can I do? Where do I want to go? What fulfills me? What can and want to achieve in life? Which people belong to me?
No young person finds it easy to find simple answers to these questions. It is often an emotional rollercoaster ride until teenagers have found their role in society and developed their own values and convictions. This developmental phase can be confusing and sometimes frustrating. What's more, as the separation from parents progresses, the circle of friends becomes increasingly important. First romantic relationships are experienced. Then there is the (approaching) graduation from school, combined with the period of career orientation.
Many young people are unsure what the right career path might look like. And then their first career choice may not turn out to be as fulfilling as they had hoped, or their heart may seem to break over their first big heartbreak.
The family forms an important network during this time that can convey: "We are always there for you, even when things get difficult. We'll get through it together and rest assured: after every low, things will get better again."
Tips for parents to encourage your child in their search for identity
First things first: the path to self-discovery in adulthood is unique for every young person. Every teenager has their own pace and every development takes its own course. The best advice - even if it is difficult for many parents - is therefore: "Stay calm and trust your child. They will find their way."
With these strategies, you can be a good companion for your child:
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The best thing you can do is to show your child understanding, support and love.
By acknowledging individual challenges and helping your child to develop their own identity, you lay the foundation for a healthy adulthood.
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Accept that your child wants to, and even has to, have their own experiences in order to find their identity.
You can help your child to explore their interests and strengths by encouraging them to try out new things and giving them the freedom to discover themselves. Mistakes can and may happen. This is the only way your child can learn to take responsibility.
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Stay in close contact: Honest and open communication is particularly important in this development phase.
Express your interest regularly and ask about experiences, friendships and experiences in relation to love without being intrusive. The dialog shows your child that you are there and can give advice if desired.
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Talk to your child about feelings, goals and wishes for the future. Ask what is important to your teenager in life.
This helps you to gain clarity about your own future. In the discussion, you have the opportunity to provide food for thought again and again, to deal with finding your identity and your own wishes and needs.
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Respect your child's privacy.
It is normal if your child no longer shares everything with you and has its own secrets. By respecting this, you are signaling that you trust your child.
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Stay patient, even if the hormones of puberty go crazy again, the tone gets rougher or the doors rattle.
Emotional mood swings are a normal part of development and the odd verbal attack on parents is usually not meant in the way it seems at first glance.
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Encourage your daughter or son to have their own opinion, make their own decisions and remain true to themselves without allowing themselves to be influenced too much by others.
Especially during puberty, the pressure from the clique of friends increases and some teenagers may mistakenly feel forced to conform to the interests and behavior of the clique. By instilling self-confidence and self-esteem in your child from an early age, you will strengthen their ability to stand up to negative external pressure.
Where can we find help and advice?
At this age, young people are particularly at risk of going off the rails. Fortunately, the irritations usually disappear again after a short time. It becomes difficult when an identity crisis develops into a lasting disorder. Then it can make sense to seek professional help.
In North Rhine-Westphalia, there is an extensive network of free advice centers for parents and young people. The Familienlotse of Familienportal.NRW makes it easier for you to find a suitable service near where you live. Quick and uncomplicated.
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