Live together happily
Text last updated:
2023-06-15
The love in the couple relationship needs attention
For parents, the dream child means pure happiness. But the offspring demands a great deal of attention, especially in the first years of life. Time for the two of you becomes scarcer, and many priorities shift. There is a danger that parents will lose sight of their own needs and their relationship if they do not actively counteract this. Read practical tips here on how parents can make family life happy and remain strong as a couple.
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How do couples stay permanently happy?
Joint offspring means great happiness for the relationship. And yet many things change: For a few years, the needs of the child take center stage. Everyday life with one or more children is often unpredictable and stressful. The result: little time for the partnership, little time for intimacy, little time for conversations that do not revolve around the organization of everyday life. Balancing everything without losing sight of each other as a couple can be challenging. But it can be done!
What keeps the partnership alive?
One thing in advance: There is no patent remedy for a happy relationship with a child. Every parent has to find their own way of dealing with the challenges of family life. However, the following tips can give you ideas on how to create a happy relationship with child.
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Talk with each other
With a child, everyday life as a couple changes radically. Nevertheless, try to stay in touch with each other and have an honest exchange about your personal needs. Arrange to talk to each other on a regular basis. Only if you know what moves your partner, what he or she feels, or what she may be disappointed about, can you develop understanding for the other person. Reproaches such as "You are always tired," "You never do..." or "I always have to take care of..." are not very helpful. Talk about your perception: "I am ....", "I feel ...". Understand your partner's point of view and work together to find compromises that are acceptable to both of you.
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Make arrangements
A partnership is only happy in the long run if the tasks in the relationship are distributed fairly. This also applies to housework. Divide the responsibilities of parenthood fairly and, if possible, avoid a too one-sided distribution of roles. Appreciate your partner's day-to-day work: childcare is at least as challenging as a full-time job. It can be helpful to jointly agree on weekly schedules in which you determine who is responsible for what: "Who will take care of the pediatrician's appointment?", "Who will get the gift for the child's birthday?", etc. Regularly discuss what works well and what you can possibly change.
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Take time for love
Don't let the intimacy with your partner simply slip away in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Consciously set aside child-free times for each other in which you can take care of them and arrange to go to the movies together, go shopping or on a date night, go to a concert or to an exhibition together, just as you used to. Feeling undisturbed for a few hours deepens the relationship and brings back physical closeness. Discover and cultivate common hobbies and find activities that you can enjoy together, even as a couple with a child, whether it's sports, music, cooking or traveling. In the course of a relationship, it becomes increasingly important to consciously make time for shared experiences and intimate moments - they otherwise become increasingly rare, especially when the need for sleep once again takes over.
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Seek and accept support
In the turbulent everyday life of a family, it takes a certain amount of organizational talent to create space for time for two. This also includes the willingness to accept outside help. Ask yourself, "Who can relieve us?" Maybe it's grandparents, a friend, or another caregiver who can care for your child by the hour and earn some extra pocket money. There may also be an opportunity to team up with another parent and take some of the load off each other. Even if your child protests at first and you find it difficult to leave your offspring in other hands for a few hours, you will see that it becomes easier and easier each time, and your child may soon discover how much fun it is to spend a few pleasant hours together with grandma or grandpa or another caregiver.
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Exude positivity
Look at your partner with love and goodwill. Everyone does his or her best! And everything works better when you encourage and support each other. Criticism, reproaches and derogatory remarks, on the other hand, are poison for any relationship. Negative remarks and behavior can easily develop into a vicious circle. Once the atmosphere is strained, it becomes difficult to get out of it. Rather, direct your perception to the positive and communicate this to your partner. This can be compliments such as, "Thank you for helping me," "Nice of you to take my shopping off my hands," or "You look beautiful today." It can be small gestures or admiring glances - everything is allowed as long as it is positive and appreciative.
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Together provide beautiful moments with child
In addition to everyday duties, it is important to regularly schedule time for joint activities as a family. A happy family life benefits from joint activities and experiences. Leisure activities are enriching for the whole family if they take into account the needs of parents and children and at the same time strengthen the couple relationship. This can be excursions into nature, sports activities or creative projects. "What is the family in the mood for this weekend"? Call the family conference together and ask how Saturday and Sunday can be arranged. A visit to the zoo, animal park or natural history museum? Take a bike ride or go to the swimming lake? Have a game night or read stories together, snuggle or watch a family movie? What do the children enjoy, what do you enjoy? Joint activities promote cohesion and strengthen the bond between family members. They create precious memories and bring lightheartedness into your family life. You can find suggestions for joint leisure activities that cost little money on the NRW family portal.
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Mastering crises together
Disputes and conflicts occur in every couple relationship. The reasons can be completely different: Being overwhelmed by everyday life, different ideas about values and parenting, an unfair distribution of family tasks, and much more. Sometimes all it takes is a small trigger for an argument, and the balance in the relationship is thrown out of whack. In most cases, the partners grow from these challenges if they manage to deal with the topics of contention and not become estranged. One question that can help get out of a slump is, "What is this crisis challenging us to do and how can we overcome it?" Learn how to argue properly and stick to the rules of conversation: hear them out, listen to the other person, ask questions, negotiate compromises. You can find tips and food for thought on how to conduct a conversation in the article "Fair partnership" here on the NRW family portal.
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Do not forget self-care
It is important for parents to listen to their own needs as well. Take time for yourself regularly to recharge and gain new energy. Maintain your contacts, don't neglect your friendships and allow yourself some personal time out while the other parent takes care of the child. By strengthening your own well-being, you will feel more balanced and better able to fulfill your role as partner and parent.
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Do not give up so quickly
Being a parent brings a multitude of intense changes that sometimes push all couples to their limits. Leading a partnership requires attention and joint work. Every relationship goes through phases ranging from the initial falling in love, through ups and downs, to deep intimate love. Those who make family life with a child lively, argue fairly and treat each other with respect can grow from the challenges and lead a happy partnership that also survives turbulent times.
Where can we find help and advice?
If you have difficulties in your relationship, are in a family crisis or are looking for advice and help for any other reason, you can contact one of the approximately 270 family and parenting advice centers in NRW free of charge. Consultations are available in person, by phone and digitally. Addresses and contact details can be found under the keyword Parental counseling here on the Familienportal.NRW.
More information Links for further reading
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